Cursed Soul (Cursed, 4) (Cursed Series) Page 7

  I can’t and I won’t let myself go down that road. Friends, that’s all it can ever be and when I’m around her, I need to remind myself of that. I’m not the kind of guy that wants anything more and I sure as hell wouldn’t want to expose her to the mess of a life I’ve created over the years. Now that she’s becoming close with the crew, there’s no way in hell I can use her as a random hookup . . . she deserves better than that anyhow. Just by looking at her, I can tell I’m not now nor will ever be good enough to be with someone like her. As much as I have changed over the years, I’m still the same man I always was. My walls are up high to protect myself, there’s no other way to be.

  Rounding the corner to my building, I pull my keys from my pocket and open the front door. A yawn escapes me and I climb the old wooden stairs leading to the third floor. As I reach the landing, I scan the long hallway on either side before walking toward my apartment. A few feet away from the door, I stop in my tracks as I notice it’s open.

  What in the hell? I know for a fact I shut and locked the door before leaving earlier.

  Slowly approaching, I pick up my feet that now feel as if they’re weighed down to the ground. My chest begins to constrict and I can feel sweat forming along my brow. As I step over the threshold, I flip the light switch along the wall and watch as the front room illuminates.

  My mouth drops open at the sight in front of me. My entire living space has been ransacked, turned upside down and shit thrown everywhere. Unsure if someone is still here, I quietly walk through the apartment, knowing very well I have nothing on hand to defend myself.

  After searching through each room, closet and down the fire escape, there’s no one to be found. There’s nothing here but a mess of my life. Everything I own is now in piles surrounding my feet. The furniture has been flipped on its side, cabinets emptied and every drawer gone through.

  Panic builds within my chest as I gaze around my apartment. Who could have done something like this? As I start to sort through my things, I look to see if anything of importance has been taken . . . but it hasn’t. This wasn’t a robbery, there’s no way in hell.

  First the explosion and now this, something is up and someone is behind all of it. I need answers and I need them now before anything else happens. Digging my cell out of my back pocket, I quickly scroll through my recent calls and hit send next to Linc’s number.

  With shaking hands, I wait for him to answer, but it goes to voicemail. Looking back down to my phone, I scroll to the next number. After a few rings, Steve answers the call.

  “Hey, man, what’s up?”

  “Steve, I just got back to my place and it’s been torn to shreds. Shit is scattered everywhere and I don’t know where to start.”

  My heart is beating so fast, I can barely catch my breath.

  “Okay take a breather, relax. Wait right there, man, I’m on my way. Call the cops and let them know exactly what happened. Oh and don’t touch a thing, leave everything as it is ‘til they get there. Ash and I will be there in five minutes tops.”

  “Thanks, man, see ya soon,” I reply disconnecting the call.

  I can’t believe this is happening. After all this time, it has to be Raphael. I just don’t know what I did or why he’s after me now. It’s been years, but I guess my time is up. I thought I could run, but apparently I was stupid to think my past would never come back to haunt me.

  Trying to think of what to do, I quickly punch 9-1-1 into my cell and explain my situation to the dispatch operator.

  This fucking blows . . .

  Chapter 13

  I glance around the mess of what’s become my apartment. For the past few hours, men and women in uniform have swarmed and inspected every inch of this place. I feel like the walls are beginning to consume me and I’m in an episode of the Twilight Zone.

  Rubbing the palm of my hands over my eyes, I try to regain my thoughts. This is a fucking mess. My head is screaming out in pain, the pressure forming in my skull seems like it’s going to split at any given moment.

  What the hell has become of the life I tried so hard to build upon?

  Question after question has been throw my way and at this point, I’m not even certain of my own Goddamn name. My head is in a complete fog. All I want are answers and to get the hell out of here.

  Feeling tired, confused and aggravated, I move through the clutter trying to make sense of it all. I know deep down what has transpired here, but until the police conduct a thorough investigation, I’m left wondering . . . yet again.

  I worked hard to start fresh, to create a life that I could be proud of and now my past is coming back to haunt me.

  “You ready, man?” Steve asks, breaking me out of my thoughts.

  I look up to see him standing near the door where yellow caution tape surrounds the entrance. My fucking life has turned into a crime scene and there’s nothing I can do about it but wait

  Nodding in his direction, I grab my duffle bag and walk away from the madness that is surrounding my life.

  I’m grateful that I have Steve to support me through this ordeal. Sleeping on his couch the next few nights may not be the way I intended to live, but regardless I have somewhere to go. While following him to his place I tap a beat onto the steering wheel with my fingertips, listening to the band play through the speakers. The faster the tune booms through my car, the harder I allow my anxiety to pull through my hands. Before I know it, I’m pulling in next to Steve’s car and we’re here. My mind was so scattered with random thoughts, my body drove me on autopilot. Moments like this have happened before. Too often I let myself drift off into my own little sphere without giving a second thought to the world around me. Shit has gotten real and something has to give. Not only is my wellbeing in jeopardy, but that of those closest to me.

  I need to fix this, find the answers that will protect those that I love. There’s got to be a way for me to intervene and if that means me going back to Miami to get answers then that’s exactly what I’ll do.

  The scent of coffee wafts past my nose and wakes me from sleep. As I roll over on the short couch at Steve’s, I pull the sheet over my head.

  Not much sleep came to me last night as the dread of what’s happening filled my mind. After tossing and turning for what seemed like forever, I finally allowed my mind to rest and pass out. Now I’m exhausted, tired from only a few hours of rest, and the mental instability that’s taking control of me.

  Sounds of coffee mugs clattering in the kitchen create a sense of annoyance that runs through my body. I’m irritable, distraught, and obviously not a morning person in my present state. Trying to control the rage that is quickly building, I squeeze my eyelids tightly together and release a heavy sigh. The noise continues . . . son of a bitch, shut the hell up! Pulling the thin fabric from my head and body, I quickly move from the couch and to the kitchen.

  Steve and Ash are wrapped up in each other’s arms as my eyes scan the small area.

  “Seriously you two!” I bark.

  Ashley looks to me, a smile pulled across her face that quickly turns to a frown when she sees I’m not joking around.

  “Morning, sleepy head,” she says with an awkward giggle.

  “Yeah, if sleep was something that actually came to me last night,” I respond through gritted teeth.

  I watch as she moves from Steve to me, her movement slow yet deliberate.

  “Aww I’m sorry, Cliff. Rough night of sleep?” she asks wrapping her arm around my waist.

  Stepping out of her reach, I begin to pace the short distance between the kitchen and living room.

  “Man, you are a mess,” Steve states.

  My eyes move to his as my blood begins to boil. I can’t deal with this right now. At any given moment, I feel like I’m going to snap. I need to get out of here and do something, anything but stand here.

  “Want some coffee?” Ashley asks.

  “Nah, I need to get out of here. I’m not in a people pleasing mood right now and before I go off,
it’s better if I just leave.”

  Steve steps forward in my direction, my gaze meeting his. I can see through him, tell that he wants to help me, but right now I don’t want to be around anyone. I need space, somewhere to clear the triggers rushing through my mind.

  “Dude, I get that shit has hit the fan and there’s not a lot I can do to fix the unknown that’s swarming around you. You need to take it easy today. Relax for a bit and let the police department do their job. Maybe laying low is exactly what you need to do. Ash and I are gonna head to the shop. Why don’t you take a shower, get something to eat, and just chill here. We can cover your clients for the day.”

  I hear him, the words that are spouting from his mouth, but I can’t deal with it.

  “Steve . . . Ash, I know you guys want to help but right now I can’t lay low, I can’t keep myself hidden from the inevitable. Whatever the fuck is going on is going to continue ‘til someone puts a stop to it. I won’t sit back and let them turn me into a victim.”

  “Cliff, what’s going on, do you know more than what you’ve been letting on?” Ash asks.

  I turn my focus to her, fear playing a tug of war game through her eyes. No matter how bad things get, I can’t let them— any of them—play a part in this feud that has come back full force.

  “Look, I’ll handle it. Keep moving forward with your lives. I don’t care how bad this gets for me. I won’t have any of you getting involved. I’ll figure something out. I just need time and answers.”

  “Fuck you, Cliff, you’re like a brother to me and the others. We’ll get through this as a family; you’re not in this alone.”

  I can’t deal with all of this. There’s too much at risk to let them in on what’s happened in my past. If only I could trust in the system, know that they’ll be able to catch the right suspect and put an end to this charade. Leaning up against the counter, I run my hands over my face as I close my eyes for a brief moment. Rest, relaxation, none of it will give me the relief I need. The only thing that will help is knowing that my past will not destroy my future. Opening my eyes, I watch as Steve takes a step away, moving back into the small kitchen area. He comes back toward Ash and me with steaming mugs of coffee. The scent alone makes my mouth water. I haven’t had anything to eat or drink in hours and I desperately need the caffeine to perk up my weary senses. Taking the hot mug from him, I take down a small sip and stare off into space.

  “Cliff?” Ashley states in a questionable tone.

  Looking over to her, I don’t know what to say, how to respond, or why she’d even want to be a part of this mess. I’m becoming more annoyed the longer she stares back at me, I need to get the hell out of here.

  “Cliff, please,” she begs taking a step toward me.

  The next few moments play out in front of me in slow motion. I can see it happening yet it seems as though I’m looking down over what’s taking place rather than registering I’m actually in the moment.

  Ashley extends her hand to touch my arm and my immediate reaction is to shrug her off. My arm goes flying out to my side, hot coffee spilling through the air while my hand meets Ashley’s side, pushing her off her feet and into the surface behind her. As her back hits hard against the wall, Steve takes a step forward, his eyes fuming with anger. I’m covered in the hot liquid, the sensation burning through my shirt and jeans.

  Everything starts to play faster before me and I don’t know what got into me, I’d never lay a hand on Ash or anyone else for that matter. That’s not the man I am today, I don’t know what’s gotten into me.

  With my head facing the floor, I take the few steps over to the table and pull out a chair. Falling down onto the seat, I rest my head in my hands, drops of coffee falling from my fingertips. My heart is racing as my nerves send goosebumps throughout my body.

  This can’t be happening; I’m spiraling out of control allowing them to take over. I can’t let Sabatino and his men do this to me again, they won’t win this round and I’m not going down without a fight.

  “Is she okay?” I ask looking up from my hands toward Steve and Ashley. “I’m so sorry, Ash. Please know I’d never do anything to hurt you . . . ever.”

  Steve stands in front of the sink, drying the coffee off her and inspecting her back for any bruises. I feel like a complete ass, even if I didn’t intend to hurt her it’s apparent that I have.

  “Cliff, I know you and can honestly say you’d never hurt a fly, but what just happened wasn’t okay. I see it this way, you have two options here: Either you come clean and tell us the truth or you’re gonna push us all away so far you’re only going to hurt yourself,” Steve states, his tone filtering the pain he must be feeling.

  He’s got a point, not only is he my best friend he’s one of the few people I trust in this world. It’s time to suck up my pride and finally break down and tell him the truth.

  “You’re right, I need to tell you everything, and when I say everything, I mean the truth about my past. A lot happened before I came to Alabama, things that I’ve tried to move on from. I never thought they would find me, that any of this would come back to hurt me. Now that it has, I have no choice but to come clean, even if it means I’ll lose the people that mean the most to me. I guess it’s better this way than you guys not knowing and getting hurt in the crossfire.”

  With a heavy heart, I stand from the chair and move back to the living room, both Steve and Ashley following closely behind me.

  I’m scared what I’m about to tell them will rip them away, but at this point I don’t have a choice . . . it’s time to tell the truth once and for all.

  Chapter 14

  I’ve been walking for what seems like hours. In search of what, I’m not exactly sure. My legs are tired and my feet are killing me. The world around me is dark, with only the light of the moon to see in which direction I’m going. When the wind picks up, a chill runs through my body. I’m lost, uncertain what’s happening in this exact moment. The sound of a car approaching startles me as my body tenses and my legs stop moving forward. Spinning around, dread starts to overpower me. I’m terrified and alone. I’ve felt this fear before, yet I can’t fathom what’s happening. I haven’t been this scared since the day he died.

  I don’t see lights coming from either direction, but the sound of an engine becomes louder.

  The purring of the vehicle is so close yet I can’t see a thing . . . what’s going on?

  I begin to lift my feet in an unknown direction when I’m met with two beaming headlights causing my eyes to squint shut. Raising my hand in front of my eyes, I try to see but I can’t. A car door slams shut as I jump. My heart is beating so fast, a single breath of air attempting to pull from my lungs. It almost seems as though my life is flashing before me as I see feet quickly approaching. I can’t see anything but shoes of a man coming toward me. Dark boots step closer and closer. Moving my hand from my vision, I try so hard to see who is coming at me, but with the bright lights, all I can see is a silhouette of a tall man coming closer.

  My body is trembling; my breathing labored . . . oh my god what is happening?

  A deep voice calls to me, but I can’t make out who it is or what he’s saying. His hand extends out to mine, but I’m so afraid I don’t know if I should take it.

  My entire world is spinning so fast around me I can’t decide if I should stay or go.

  His voice resonates through my ears; he’s asking me to come with him.

  Who is he?

  What does he want from me?

  Where does he want to take me?

  Startled I wake from my dream. With eyes closed tightly shut, the rapid beating of my heart can be felt through every nerve ending within my body. I’ve had this same dream numerous times before, but this time the man actually came to me. I’ve never heard his voice or seen his face, but this time it seemed so real.

  My eyes begin to open as the beams of sunlight streaming in through the window blinds warm my skin. Extending my arms and legs, I stretch my tired b
ody while releasing a deep yawn. I’m still so frazzled. I really don’t feel like getting my ass out of bed, at least not yet. Glancing over to the nightstand and along the bed, I search out for my cell phone.

  Ugh, what time is it and why the hell is my head pounding like this?

  Trying to move past the dream, memories of last night begin to swarm through my mind. Dinner with Christian and Jenn was amazing, even if I did originally feel like I’d just be a third wheel. Those two are just too much to handle at times, but nonetheless they made me feel loved and a part of the night. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time, it’s something I desperately needed . . . more so that I ever could have imagined.

  Drinks afterwards at the bar . . . oy, what an event. Not only did I meet some incredible people, I spilled my drink all over Cliff and instantly wanted to fall into his arms. I was a complete stranger to all of them, yet each of them embraced me and acted as if I was a part of their inner circle immediately.

  Closing my eyes for a few moments to settle the pain between my ears, an image of Cliff comes into focus with his rugged exterior, exposed skin covered in ink, dark shaggy hair gelled back and those incredible blue eyes. I can’t help but want to see him again. He took me by surprise, yet the pull I felt and the way he looked at me was overwhelming. I haven’t felt like that in a long time. Throughout the night, while everyone else was caught up in conversation, I found myself looking for him when he wasn’t near me. His presence around me blew me away. I’m not one to jump right out and start up a conversation; I’m shy and would rather sit back and watch the world move around me. But with him, I wanted to hear his voice, have him tell me his story and break through the mystery that surrounds him. I’m enraptured with the thoughts of this man and I haven’t even known him twenty-four hours.

  Guilt courses through me, knowing that another man could control my emotions so easily. Being mentally detached for so long, I don’t know what it was. It confuses me why I felt the way I did or how it could ever even be possible, but that man did things to me. My heart hurts to even think that my mind and feelings would betray my love for Brody. It’s been far too long since I’ve felt a connection to a man, I don’t know if it’s wrong or right. All I do know is that when it came time to leave, I didn’t want the night to end . . . even if I was feeling a hard-core buzz.