Pierced Love Page 10

  This whole year was supposed to pass by in a blur so that I can step into my new future after graduation.

  Things are starting to change.

  Ugh, I hate the thought of things changing without me being the one in control.

  Loudon has been brought into the picture and, as much as I want to hide, I can’t hide from him.

  He makes me feel things that I haven’t felt in so long.

  I feel like I’m a part of something when I am with him.

  I want to stay in the light when he is near, but I’m scared that, at any moment, something will happen to pull me back into the darkness.

  What if I let my walls down for him and he doesn’t like the real me? Or if he hears or sees something that my peers see and he doesn’t….will he run and think me a freak too?

  I let out a heavy sigh. I need to put these thoughts to rest, to stop talking myself out of something that might actually be good.

  I turn my head to look out the window. We are down the street from the school and I can see the lights of the stadium brightening the sky.

  So many memories start to flash back at me as I remember being on this same street five years ago.

  “Mom, I really think someone should have stayed back with Nana tonight,” I say, leaning forward from the back seat and resting my elbows on the center console.

  “Sweetie, don’t worry. Joanne is going to stop over in an hour to check in on her. She’ll be fine, I promise.”

  I know that mom means well and she’s just trying to comfort me, but I still feel sick to my stomach.

  Something felt weird leaving Nana tonight.

  I so want to jump out of this car and go back home.

  I know tonight is a big deal for Zeke, but I’d much rather be home sitting and talking with her.

  Sitting back in my seat, I look out the window. We are only a few blocks from the football stadium and I can see the jumbo lights illuminating the sky.

  Not only will tonight be the night Zeke will break a few records, it’s also homecoming and we’re playing our rivals, Palmer High. We haven’t beaten them for five years and the school is going nuts that this is our year to take back the rival title. It’s such a big deal that they have asked the middle school cheering squad to be at the game with the junior and varsity squads.

  I’m a little nervous since I haven’t had a chance to cheer and perform in front of such a big crowd.

  As many times as I’ve stressed this concern to Nana, she kept telling me to be free…be me and have fun.

  A smile crosses my face at the thought of our last conversation and watching Nana do a little cheer from her chair. She’s such an open spirit and brings out the best in every situation.

  I really wish she was feeling better and could be at the game with us all tonight.

  But I know she’s with us in spirit and cheering both Zeke and I on from her room at the house.

  The Range Rover comes to a stop and I feel Loudon grab for my hand.

  “Zar, you okay? You look like you spaced out there for a second.” He asks.

  I nod my head, afraid that if I talk the tears will well in my eyes.

  “Stay right there, okay,” he says.

  “Okay,” I reply with a questionable glance.

  I watch as he gets out of the car.

  He shuts the door and runs around the front and over to my side.

  I smile.

  He did this for me the night we went to the party.

  It makes me happy that he thinks of these simple things to do for me.

  As much as that night hurt me, I won’t digress back to that memory.

  He makes me feel too happy to put myself into that kind of funk.

  Loudon comes around to my door and puts his nose against the glass. He looks in on me through the tinted window. I can’t help but laugh at the stupid face he’s making.

  He really does try to make me smile and be happy.

  As he steps away from the door, he pulls it open.

  His hand comes in to reach for mine and I accept.

  He helps me get out of the back seat and doesn’t let go once I’m out and standing next to him.

  I look down at our hands interlocked and back up at him. He’s smiling and those amazing green eyes are sparkling.

  His mom lets out a giggle and I turn to face both Marilyn and Jim. I see her gaze shift down to our hands and the smile remains on her face.

  “Come on Jim. Let’s go find Roberta and Troy. We’ll catch up with you kids later, okay?” She says, walking toward Loudon’s dad and putting her hand in his.

  I smile at the small gesture of love that walks away from us.

  It fills me with hope seeing Loudon’s parents, my parents and the ways Zeke and Allie love each other. Maybe one day I, too, will have that kind of love in my life. It may take me a while to get there, but once I’m free of this hell and on my own next year, life will be different for me.

  I just know it.

  Loudon swings my arm and comes around to stand in front of me.

  “So, I was thinking,” he says.

  I give him a smirk and start to laugh.

  “Be careful, that can be dangerous you know.”

  He gives me a pout and pulls me in closer to him.

  “Alright smart ass, I may not be at the top of my class but I’m still a smart guy.”

  I let my body and any sense of fear leave me and allow myself to lean into him.

  “Okay, that was rude of me. What were you going to say?” I ask, looking up at him.

  He places his mouth to my forehead and let’s his lips linger for a few moments. Pulling away, he wraps his hands around my waist and rests his chin on my head.

  “We’ve had a rough start Zar, and I want to start fresh with you. I’ve told you more than once that I want to be with you, to get to know you. Let me in, Zar.”

  He stands still with our bodies resting against one another. He really won’t give up on me. He has such a pull that I don’t want to back away from him.

  Every doubt that enters my mind is clouded by the thoughts of what could be.

  “Okay.” I say, and nod my head. I take in a deep breath and let it all out, I’m finally willing to agree with him.

  He pulls away from me and leans down to stare into my eyes.

  “Really? You mean it this time? No more running or backing away from me? You’re sure?” He says, the smile on his face getting bigger and bigger with every word that passes his lips.

  “I’m sure, Loudon,” I say with a smile. “But let me just say that this isn’t going to be easy. There’s a lot that we both need to know and learn about one another. When the time is right we’ll share it, but not yet. I need to know that you’re really here for me. I don’t open up to people and I’m not sure that I can. I told you before that this is all new to me. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before and I want to try and see where this goes.”

  I’m consumed with emotion right now.

  I want to be with Loudon.

  I want to be happy.

  I want Loudon to be the one to help me out of my darkness.

  Loudon leads us toward the entrance gate and we make our way into the football stadium.

  The crowds of people are loud.

  There’s a mixture of both school colors and the concession stands have lines of people waiting to get their hot chocolate, hot dogs and soft pretzels.

  We walk through a few groups of people and eventually make our way to the center track that surrounds the football field.

  My eyes immediately look to the bleachers and the hundreds of fans that are here getting ready to watch the game.

  This is no joke.

  There are tons of people here for either the rivalry of the teams, because it’s homecoming or to support the players that are being honored at halftime.

  I feel Loudon pull me and my gaze drifts into the direction he’s taking us.

  “Whoa, where are we going?” I ask as he le
ads us toward the student section behind the Parkland end zone.

  “To the student section, where else?” He asks like it’s no big deal.

  Of course it isn’t a big deal to him.

  I’m pretty sure that every normal teenager that goes to a high school football game wants to sit with their friends.

  Little does he know that I have no friends.

  “Yeah, I’m thinking I’d rather not sit over there tonight,” I say, stopping in my tracks.

  My body freezes and my heart skips a beat.

  Loudon stops when he feels my arm pull and turns to look in my direction. He gives me a questionable glance and pulls me into him.

  “Remember when I said that there’s stuff we don’t know about one another?”

  He pulls away and looks down at me.

  “Yeah?” He replies.

  “Well, this is one of those things and I really don’t want to talk about it now, at least just not yet.”

  He pulls me back into him and leans his chin on my forehead.

  “Ok, doll. We can go wherever you want to sit, okay?”

  I nod my head and nuzzle my nose into his chest. I take in the scent of him and close my eyes.

  It really is amazing how he makes me feel. As crazy and anxious as I thought I would be, I’m not when he’s by my side.

  I turn into him and start to walk to the grand stand bleachers to find our parents.

  He quickly reaches for my hand and we walk side by side.

  I’m in such a daze that I’m not even paying attention to the world around me.

  Completely clueless to my surroundings, I look over at Loudon who has a smile on his face.

  When my eyes redirect to the path in front of me, it’s too late.

  In a matter of seconds I’m colliding with another person and a hot sensation begins to run down the front of my hoodie and down my jeans.

  I huff out a loud breath at the feel of the liquid seeping through my clothes and onto my skin. It’s hot, but thankfully not hot enough to scorch my stomach and legs.

  Loudon stops and immediately turns to look at me.

  “Shit Zar, are you okay. Is it burning you?” He asks with panic in his voice.

  I shake my head. “No, I’m good…promise,” I reply, looking directly at him.

  He looks away and directs his stare toward Dillan and his gang of friends.

  “What the hell dude, watch where you’re going next time?” I hear Loudon shout.

  “Me? Maybe if you’d leash the freak we wouldn’t have had this accident.”

  Oh.my.god.

  The words of my classmate Dillan burn my ears. The fear I deal with everyday when I enter the hell zone is now becoming my reality. I can’t find safety anywhere. Everywhere I go the darkness consumes me. Now he’s going to see it… hear it all before we ever had a chance.

  This can’t be happening to me.

  Not here.

  Not now.

  Not with Loudon standing next to me.

  I don’t want to make eye contact with either of them.

  I know if I do it will cause more of a problem than I’m already in, but, at the same time, I have to do something before Loudon gets into an argument…or worse, a fight with Dillan.

  The anxiety of what’s happening begins to churn in my stomach. The lump of panic swells in my throat.

  My right hand is still in Loudon’s but I can feel my palms begin to sweat.

  I take in a quick deep breath to try and release the pressure that’s building up in my chest.

  Of all times…all places for this to happen, why me…why now?

  “What did you call her?” I hear Loudon ask. He let’s go of my hand and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

  I try to take in small breaths.

  In through my nose and out through my mouth. Both hands are now clenched at my sides and I’m struggling to maintain my composure.

  Dillan laughs and I can hear the others standing around us start to make comments, as well.

  He can’t hear this.

  He can’t be here to see what they do to me.

  He can’t witness how my peers treat me when I’m surrounded by their hateful words and cruel actions.

  Loudon removes his arm from around me and takes a step forward toward Dillan.

  “I don’t think you heard me the first time. What did you just call my girl?” He asks with such fierceness in his tone.

  Loudon’s comment makes me gasp.

  I throw my hand over my mouth, shocked by the words that just came out of his lips.

  The sound is loud enough that he turns and looks at me. I nod my head, and look toward the ground as he returns his gaze back to Dillan.

  “Come on dude, you have to be kidding right? Do you even know who this freak is that you’re here with? Zar Evans is no average girl. She’s the…..”

  Dillan words stop immediately and I suddenly feel the lack of Loudon’s presence in front of me.

  I look up from the ground and see that Loudon has Dillan by the collar of his jacket. I can hear Loudon’s voice, but the words he’s saying are mumbled and I can’t make them out. I look down at my pants and my hoodie.

  I’m soaked.

  I’m in the midst of a panic attack.

  My only safety is a few feet away sticking up for me to them.

  No one has ever stuck up for me before.

  I don’t know where he’s come from or what I’ve done to deserve a friend like him, but I’m so grateful that Loudon is here for me right now.

  In less time than it takes for me to look back up at Loudon and Dillan, Loudon is back at my side and pulling me away from the crowd that has just grown around us. He doesn’t take a moment to stop until we get out of the stadium, through the gates and out to his parent’s Range Rover.

  He twirls me around so that my back is against the SUV and pushes me against the passenger side door.

  His hand comes up to my face and out of nowhere his lips meet mine. I’m taken off guard by his act of affection, but I let him go and take control of the moment.

  I want this moment to happen.

  I need to feel that I’m wanted and when I’m with Loudon, I know that he wants to be with me, too.

  I close my eyes and once again I get lost in this guy. Our kiss starts off slow, but then Loudon nips at my lower lip and I open my mouth for his tongue to touch mine.

  His kiss is nothing like our first kiss last weekend.

  This one is hard and urgent.

  I bring my arms up around his neck and pull him in tightly against me.

  I’m swept away in the moment.

  Things with Loudon feel so good. Even after what just happened only a few moments ago, he’s still standing here with me…kissing me.

  He pulls away, we are both breathing hard.

  I stare at him, into his eyes.

  I want to cringe, I want to hide, and I want to pretend like this night never happened.

  Taking my eyes off of his, I can feel the tears begin to surface. I blink a few times and with that they start to flood my vision and fall from my face onto the macadam pavement.

  “Zar, please don’t cry. Doll, look at me.”

  His voice is soft, caring and sweet.

  He pulls me into him and holds me tightly against his body.

  I cry harder than I’ve ever cried in front of another person. I feel like the past five years of anxiety, hurt and pain are all coming to the surface.

  As if today wasn’t hard enough for me to come out here, Loudon had to face my worst fears head on.

  Oh god, I don’t even want to know what he must think of me right now.

  I begin to shake in his arms.

  His warm hand rubs up and down along my back to soothe me.

  “Come on, let’s take you back home to get you changed; you’re soaked,” he says.

  Loudon pulls away from me and I step away from the passenger’s side door. He reaches in his pocket and brings out a key fob. Pu
shing a button, he unlocks the door and opens it for me to get in. Once I’m in the seat he slowly closes the door and walks around the front of the car. I watch every step that he takes. He looks flustered as he runs his hands through his hair.

  He opens his door and hops in next to me.

  Reaching for my hand he takes it in his own and looks at me.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” He asks.

  I shake my head, no.

  “Do you want me to take you home to get changed and come back for halftime?”

  I don’t know how I should answer that.

  Tonight is a huge night for Zeke. I can’t miss it…can I?

  “Zar you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, you know that, right?”

  I look over at him. He’s staring at me and I want so badly to tell him everything. How is it that this one person has me so attached so quickly? I haven’t trusted another person in five years…not since Nana.

  “I have to come back and be here for Zeke. As much as I wish that you weren’t here for what just happened, I have to come back to celebrate tonight with my family.”

  “Okay then. Let’s pretend like nothing happened. We can get you home so you can change and we’ll come right back. Deal?” He asks.

  I smile back at him. How can he pretend like that didn’t just happen? Is it really that easy to just switch out the painful memories?

  His positive attitude is helpful and right now it’s amusing to me.

  “Deal,” I reply.

  Loudon pushes the start button and the Range Rover engine purrs to life.

  Within a few moments we are on the road and on our way back to my house.

  With Loudon, I really think things could get easier. The more he pushes me, the more I want to be different for him. As scary as the changes may be moving forward, if he’s willing to help and support me, I think I can give it a try.

  I hate that we have to leave the game because of me, but thankfully this all happened before the game even started.

  If we hurry, we should have a good thirty minutes to get back before the halftime awards ceremony starts.

  The drive back to my house is a short trip, a few minutes at the most.

  Loudon and I sit in silence, both staring forward at the road in front of us.

  Loudon drives us through the town like he knows exactly where he’s going. It’s as if he’s lived here his whole life.